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 Resume tips for job seekers

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mfemenel
Professor Frink

1421 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-24 : 09:01:19
[url]http://steve-yegge.blogspot.com/2007/09/ten-tips-for-slightly-less-awful-resume.html
[/url]

I wish I had written this article, it's just about perfect. In addition to what was mentioned in the article I would add:

1. I had one guy list "acoustic guitarist" on his resume.....should I care about that? If a server goes down and we're in a panic maybe this would help us to center ourselves but it is otherwise useless.

2. If you're applying for a DBA job please know the difference between a full and differential backup. When I ask the question and you start with "ummmm.....", my next thought is "oh sh|t.. how can I end this call.

3. In addition to using spell check, reread your resume for spelling errors that won't get caught. For example if you typed "replaced there system" instead of "replaced their system" your spell check isn't going to catch it. Spell check is not perfect. Write it, put it away for a while, reread it. Have others read it as well.

Mike
"oh, that monkey is going to pay"

spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master

11752 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-24 : 09:18:01
yeah saw that. pretty cool. so what are you looking for?

___________________________________________________________________________
Causing trouble since 1980
Blog: http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/mladenp
Speed up SSMS development: www.ssmstoolspack.com <- version 1.5 out!
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mfemenel
Professor Frink

1421 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-24 : 09:24:23
We have some DBA and architect positions open but they're all "must be" onsite in Virginia. Which stinks because I'd love to be in one of them myself but I'm down near Charlotte, NC.

Mike
"oh, that monkey is going to pay"
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mfemenel
Professor Frink

1421 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-24 : 09:25:50
I'm adding a few other "don't do's". Please don't use marketing words like "rich or robust". They turn my brain off immediately like when my wife starts talking about shopping...zzzzzz. I'm also not a fan of the term "refactoring". Spend more time "factoring" so you won't be "refactoring"

Mike
"oh, that monkey is going to pay"
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spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master

11752 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-24 : 09:52:09
you mean it's NOT good that i've built robust, streamlined business apps that enrichen the business with it's SOA like interface and iner process communication???

___________________________________________________________________________
Causing trouble since 1980
Blog: http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/mladenp
Speed up SSMS development: www.ssmstoolspack.com <- version 1.5 out!
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mfemenel
Professor Frink

1421 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-24 : 09:57:32
Oh I'm sure it's great if I were looking to fill a marketing position

Mike
"oh, that monkey is going to pay"
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TG
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

6065 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-24 : 13:24:20
hmmm - maybe I should re-think my heavy use of this code for whenever I update my resume. I don't remember where I got it from but here it is:

Create Table BSTerm (
word varchar(200),
type char(10)
)

SET NOCOUNT ON

INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('aggregate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('architect', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('benchmark', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('brand', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('cultivate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('deliver', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('deploy', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('disintermediate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('drive', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('e-enable', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('embrace', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('empower', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('enable', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('engage', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('engineer', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('enhance', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('envisioneer', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('evolve', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('expedite', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('exploit', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('extend', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('facilitate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('generate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('grow', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('harness', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('implement', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('incentivize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('incubate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('innovate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('integrate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('iterate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('leverage', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('matrix', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('maximize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('mesh', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('monetize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('morph', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('optimize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('orchestrate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('productize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('recontextualize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('redefine', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('reintermediate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('reinvent', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('repurpose', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('revolutionize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('scale', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('seize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('strategize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('streamline', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('syndicate', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('synergize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('synthesize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('target', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('transform', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('transition', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('unleash', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('utilize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('visualize', 'verb')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('whiteboard', 'verb')



INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('24/365', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('24/7', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('B2B', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('B2C', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('back-end', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('best-of-breed', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('bleeding-edge', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('bricks-and-clicks', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('clicks-and-mortar', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('collaborative', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('compelling', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('cross-platform', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('cross-media', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('customized', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('cutting-edge', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('distributed', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('dot-com', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('dynamic', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('e-business', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('efficient', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('end-to-end', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('enterprise', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('extensible', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('frictionless', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('front-end', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('global', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('granular', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('holistic', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('impactful', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('innovative', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('integrated', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('interactive', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('intuitive', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('killer', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('leading-edge', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('magnetic', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('mission-critical', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('next-generation', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('one-to-one', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('open-source', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('out-of-the-box', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('plug-and-play', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('proactive', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('real-time', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('revolutionary', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('robust', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('scalable', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('seamless', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('sexy', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('sticky', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('strategic', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('synergistic', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('transparent', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('turn-key', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('ubiquitous', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('user-centric', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('value-added', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('vertical', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('viral', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('virtual', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('visionary', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('web-enabled', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('wireless', 'adjective')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('world-class', 'adjective')



INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('action-items', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('applications', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('architectures', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('bandwidth', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('channels', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('communities', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('content', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('convergence', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('deliverables', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('e-business', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('e-commerce', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('e-markets', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('e-services', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('e-tailers', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('experiences', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('eyeballs', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('functionalities', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('infomediaries', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('infrastructures', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('initiatives', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('interfaces', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('markets', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('methodologies', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('metrics', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('mindshare', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('models', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('networks', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('niches', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('paradigms', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('partnerships', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('platforms', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('portals', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('relationships', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('ROI', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('synergies', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('web-readiness', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('schemas', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('solutions', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('supply-chains', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('systems', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('technologies', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('users', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('vortals', 'noun')
INSERT INTO BSTerm VALUES('web services', 'noun')

SET NOCOUNT OFF

GO

Create Procedure MakeBS

AS

SELECT 
(SELECT TOP 1 Word FROM BSTerm WHERE Type='verb' ORDER BY NewID()) as Verb,
(SELECT TOP 1 Word FROM BSTerm WHERE Type='Adjective' ORDER BY NewID()) as Adjective,
(SELECT TOP 1 Word FROM BSTerm WHERE Type='Noun' ORDER BY NewID()) as Noun


GO

Exec MakeBS

/*
Drop Proc MakeBS
Drop table BSTerm
*/


Be One with the Optimizer
TG
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robvolk
Most Valuable Yak

15732 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-24 : 13:33:51
quote:
I don't remember where I got it from
Damian posted that a while back, it's a variation on the Web Economy Bullshit Generator:

http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!

4970 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-26 : 07:44:35
I even turned it into a webservice, and that was before SOA was a buzzword!

Damian
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." - Emerson
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!

4970 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-26 : 07:45:09
VOLK!!!!

We're putting the band back together [:d]



Damian
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." - Emerson
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sakets_2000
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

1472 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-26 : 08:13:44
viral, sexy .. really ?
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blindman
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

2365 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-26 : 10:32:32
quote:
Originally posted by mfemenel

Please don't use marketing words like "rich or robust". They turn my brain off immediately like when my wife starts talking about shopping...zzzzzz.

Great. Now I have to remove all references to shopping from my resume' as well...

________________________________________________
If it is not practically useful, then it is practically useless.
________________________________________________
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Michael Valentine Jones
Yak DBA Kernel (pronounced Colonel)

7020 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-26 : 12:13:59
quote:
Originally posted by blindman

quote:
Originally posted by mfemenel

Please don't use marketing words like "rich or robust". They turn my brain off immediately like when my wife starts talking about shopping...zzzzzz.

Great. Now I have to remove all references to shopping from my resume' as well...

________________________________________________
If it is not practically useful, then it is practically useless.
________________________________________________


Just change it to:
"Architected a best-of-breed bricks and mortar retail experience."




CODO ERGO SUM
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blindman
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

2365 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-26 : 12:36:50
Not quite.
"Participated in a best-of-breed bricks and mortar retail experience."

________________________________________________
If it is not practically useful, then it is practically useless.
________________________________________________
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mcrowley
Aged Yak Warrior

771 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-26 : 13:09:28
well, since the economy is consumer driven, shouldn't that be

"Drove a best-of-breed bricks and mortar retail experience."
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robvolk
Most Valuable Yak

15732 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-26 : 15:50:48
No no no no no no no...

"Leveraged a best-of-breed bricks and mortar retail experience."
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revdnrdy
Posting Yak Master

220 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-27 : 12:30:37

Facilitated a turn key best-of-breed bricks and mortar retail experience by championing six sigma deployment strategies. "

r&r
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mfemenel
Professor Frink

1421 Posts
Posted - 2009-02-27 : 12:54:06
You guys are giving me a headache. This is the world I've been living in for 2 months and it's anything but rich and robust.

Mike
"oh, that monkey is going to pay"
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mfemenel
Professor Frink

1421 Posts
Posted - 2009-03-04 : 18:53:37
New rule. No using vis-à-vis.
I mentally blue screened when I hit that word....Reboot…next resume…..

Mike
"oh, that monkey is going to pay"
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Michael Valentine Jones
Yak DBA Kernel (pronounced Colonel)

7020 Posts
Posted - 2009-03-04 : 19:05:34
I found this gem in a resume:
"Ensure performance, quality, and safety of application databases. Monitor system performance and conduct performance and tuning sessions in order to enhance the users experience within the system. Ensure the quality of the data by design and implement schedule reconciliation activities. Build, maintain and review a Disaster and Recovery plan for the entire information system."

Translation:
Check the backups once in a while, and try to fix stuff the users are yelling about.



CODO ERGO SUM
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mcrowley
Aged Yak Warrior

771 Posts
Posted - 2009-03-05 : 14:37:16
Wait. That sounds like my resume..... ;-)
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