Too stupid to be let near a computer

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Too stupid to be let near a computer

Author

Topic

elwoos
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

2052 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 08:55:38

I know we have done this before but this just happened to me

User: [bursts through door] I need a disc, can you give me a disc please I need it now
Me: The blank CD's are here
User: No I need a floppy disc
Me: We haven't bought floppy discs for about 2 years
User: well I have loads of them!
Me; Well they weren't purchased from the IT budget
User: Give me a CD, how do I use it? Is it the same as a floppy disc?
Me: Not really, would you like me to do it for you now?
User: Can't I do it? Will you show me how to do it?
Me: I will show you, where is the file?
User: It's in PowerPoint
Me: Is it still open
User: Yes
Me; Go and close it and let me know where you have saved it
User: ok

[10 minutes later (don't forget this is urgent) the user returns]

User: Have you done it?
Me: You didn't tell me where you saved it, so I couldn't.
User: Oh God this is urgent
Me: Where did you save it?
User: In PowerPoint
Me: Which drive did you save it on?
User: PowerPoint
Me: Did you save it on the main drive that everyone can see or your personal one
User: I don't think it was my drive
Me: Show me

She had of course saved it on her personal drive, which is fine but she hadn't got the faintest idea what I was asking her.

Am I really being harsh? Does anyone know where I can hire an Uzi for a few hours?

steve

-----------

Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

madhivanan
Premature Yak Congratulator

22864 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 09:03:07

User : Computer doesnt work
Me : Restart it
(User switches off the monitor and switches on it)
User : I did. But still same Problem

Madhivanan

Failing to plan is Planning to fail

spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master

11752 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 09:10:23

would a well kept AK47 work for you?

Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow

elwoos
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

2052 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 10:18:57

Madhi - that's hilarious

Spirit - absolutely! (Don't worry I won't ask any questions)

steve

-----------

Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master

11752 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 10:36:13

meet me on main square in lyon, france on 25th of this month at noon.
don't be late. bring 300 quid with you. you also get 3 magazines for that.

Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow

rockmoose
SQL Natt Alfen

3279 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 11:11:37

user: I can't export the crystal reports to excel
me: It's supposed to work, how do you go about it?
user: I rename the .rpt files to .xls
me: did you read the faq I gave you?
user: Yes, it said with crystal reports it's possible export files to excel....
me: did you follow the instructions?
user: I could not find the button
me: ....(that sounds plausible)....did you really expect that renaming the files would work?
user: dunno
me: how would you enter the period for the report if you rename the file?
user: uh, dunno
me: wtf

or

angry stressed user: I cn't make sense of this report, can you please redo it!?
me: higlight in red and make the bottom line figure red. mail back.
user: thank you, it's much better now!

or

user: I need the figures for this&this
me: for what time period?
user: 20051206-20060228
.... next day
user: I need the figures for this&this
me: for what time period?
user: 20060201-20060228
.... two days later
user: I need the figures for this&this.
me: YOu know it's much easier if you specify the time period straight away!, what time period?
user: 20060101-20060319
.... next day
user: I need the figures for this&this.
me: main square lyon, I'll be there Mladen

damn right!

Michael Valentine Jones
Yak DBA Kernel (pronounced Colonel)

7020 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 11:36:33

quote:
Originally posted by elwoos

I know we have done this before but this just happened to me

User: [bursts through door] I need a disc, can you give me a disc please I need it now
Me: The blank CD's are here
User: No I need a floppy disc
Me: We haven't bought floppy discs for about 2 years
User: well I have loads of them!
Me; Well they weren't purchased from the IT budget
User: Give me a CD, how do I use it? Is it the same as a floppy disc?
Me: Not really, would you like me to do it for you now?
User: Can't I do it? Will you show me how to do it?
Me: I will show you, where is the file?
User: It's in PowerPoint
Me: Is it still open
User: Yes
Me; Go and close it and let me know where you have saved it
User: ok

[10 minutes later (don't forget this is urgent) the user returns]

User: Have you done it?
Me: You didn't tell me where you saved it, so I couldn't.
User: Oh God this is urgent
Me: Where did you save it?
User: In PowerPoint
Me: Which drive did you save it on?
User: PowerPoint
Me: Did you save it on the main drive that everyone can see or your personal one
User: I don't think it was my drive
Me: Show me

She had of course saved it on her personal drive, which is fine but she hadn't got the faintest idea what I was asking her.

Am I really being harsh? Does anyone know where I can hire an Uzi for a few hours?

steve

-----------

Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

You just need to learn to handle the situation properly:

User: [bursts through door] I need a disc, can you give me a disc please I need it now.
Me: No.
User: What will I do?
Me: I don't know.
User: [leaves in frustration]

CODO ERGO SUM

elwoos
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

2052 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 11:50:11

What I didn't say is that I have a colleague who sits at the other end of the office with his back to the door. She gave him a very odd look as she ran past as his shoulders were shaking and he had his hand over his mouth.

steve

-----------

Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

Kristen
Test

22859 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 13:40:37

"bring 300 quid with you. you also get 3 magazines for that"

The magazines had better be very VERY smutty for that price ...

spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master

11752 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 13:44:33

ok ok... i meant clips... jeez...

Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow

Kristen
Test

22859 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 14:40:29

Movie clips? Sounds better value ...

jen
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

4110 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 21:41:15

user: i have a problem
me: is it a server request?
user: no but...
me: send me an email and cc your manager/boss
user: err... ok...

[user did not send the email and did not bother to ask]

--------------------
keeping it simple...

TG
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

6065 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 22:44:42

sqlteam help desk:

user: [bursts through door] I need a disc, can you give me a disc please I need it now
Steve: No problem, I've got a swiss army knife, I'll make one for you.
user: no, that's ok, don't you just have one laying around
Kristen: heh heh...laying around...what color is your underwear... or...you going commando, aren't you?
user: Look, I don't think that's appropriate. Please don't you just have a disk?
MVJ: No disk for you! Get the hell out of here!...you're kind really makes me hurl.
user: ok, you guys are crazy. I'm going to leave now.
Mladen: <click> that's what you think...<bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam>
Jen: miss?....miss?...well, no complaints. Problem solved.
Maddy: Congratulations, Jen. Only 14 more and you'll have helped 1000 users!

Be One with the Optimizer
TG

khtan
In (Som, Ni, Yak)

17689 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-20 : 22:51:27

ROTLF

KH
Choice is an illusion, created between those with power, and those without.
Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant

jen
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

4110 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-21 : 00:17:04

rotflol, and this time it's not in my head... ha ha ha

you guys are really funny!

--------------------
keeping it simple...

madhivanan
Premature Yak Congratulator

22864 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-21 : 01:50:56

TG, that was Funny really

Madhivanan

Failing to plan is Planning to fail

madhivanan
Premature Yak Congratulator

22864 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-21 : 01:53:22

quote:
Originally posted by khtan

ROTLF

KH
Choice is an illusion, created between those with power, and those without.
Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant

Syntax Error

That should be ROTFL

Madhivanan

Failing to plan is Planning to fail

spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master

11752 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-21 : 05:39:55

laugned my ass of...

a moment of humor brilliance there TG, huh?
bound to happen sooner or later

Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow

majkinetor
Yak Posting Veteran

55 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-21 : 05:55:43

quote:

User: [bursts through door] I need a disc, can you give me a disc please I need it now.
Me: No.
User: What will I do?
Me: I don't know.
User: [leaves in frustration]

excelent advice....

I bet you didn't ever hear for this one:

me: delete the icon from the desktop .
she-user: whole ?

khtan
In (Som, Ni, Yak)

17689 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-21 : 07:42:45

quote:
Originally posted by madhivanan

quote:
Originally posted by khtan

ROTLF

KH
Choice is an illusion, created between those with power, and those without.
Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant

Syntax Error

That should be ROTFL

Madhivanan

Failing to plan is Planning to fail

This is too funny. I just can't stop laughing when i post it

eyechart
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker

3575 Posts

Posted - 2006-03-21 : 14:40:18

quote:
Originally posted by TG
Kristen: heh heh...laying around...what color is your underwear... or...you going commando, aren't you?

that was hilarious.

-ec

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