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rockmoose
SQL Natt Alfen
3279 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-14 : 08:38:08
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I read this wonderful explanation of SOA today (freely translated from swedish link)quote: SOA is about producing and consuming services. Services are not only about technology,rather it's about abstracting away the technology and instead focusing on business.
which led me to realize that most words can be substituted for anything...quote: XXX is about producing and consuming fruitpies. Fruitpies are not only about pies,rather it's about abstracting away the pies and instead focusing on fruits....XXX is about producing and consuming manure. Manure is not only about crap,rather it's about abstracting away the crap and instead focusing on nuggets.
which reminded me of this nugget: dilbert's mission statement generatorrockmoose |
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spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master
11752 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-14 : 08:41:46
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ROTFLOL!!!!Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow |
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Michael Valentine Jones
Yak DBA Kernel (pronounced Colonel)
7020 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-14 : 09:22:58
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How about the "Web Economy Bullshit Generator""http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.htmlI try to use something from this site every time I write a proposal."syndicate best-of-breed e-services""envisioneer innovative solutions"CODO ERGO SUM |
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jen
Master Smack Fu Yak Hacker
4110 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 01:15:53
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Ha ha ha ha,Rockmoose, you should have been a stand up comedian!!!--------------------keeping it simple... |
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JimL
SQL Slinging Yak Ranger
1537 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 12:02:15
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We have our own BS generator.It’s called upper management.JimUsers <> Logic |
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rockmoose
SQL Natt Alfen
3279 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 13:51:11
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MVJ, that was really cool. ("Web Economy Bullshit Generator")The longer you use it, the more You laugh...Then your brain starts to melt..After that you feel completely brainwashed...And the last stage is that you feel like the CIOGreat stuff.rockmoose |
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Michael Valentine Jones
Yak DBA Kernel (pronounced Colonel)
7020 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 15:39:31
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It would be a great to recode the "Web Economy Bullshit Generator" as a stored procedure in order to "redefine value-added infrastructures", "implement scalable e-services", and "deliver best-of-breed platforms"CODO ERGO SUM |
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!
4970 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 17:43:25
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Create Table BullshitTerm ( word varchar(200), type char(10))SET NOCOUNT ONINSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('aggregate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('architect', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('benchmark', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('brand', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('cultivate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('deliver', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('deploy', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('disintermediate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('drive', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-enable', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('embrace', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('empower', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('enable', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('engage', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('engineer', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('enhance', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('envisioneer', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('evolve', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('expedite', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('exploit', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('extend', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('facilitate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('generate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('grow', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('harness', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('implement', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('incentivize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('incubate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('innovate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('integrate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('iterate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('leverage', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('matrix', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('maximize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('mesh', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('monetize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('morph', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('optimize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('orchestrate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('productize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('recontextualize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('redefine', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('reintermediate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('reinvent', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('repurpose', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('revolutionize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('scale', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('seize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('strategize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('streamline', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('syndicate', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('synergize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('synthesize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('target', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('transform', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('transition', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('unleash', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('utilize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('visualize', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('whiteboard', 'verb')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('24/365', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('24/7', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('B2B', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('B2C', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('back-end', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('best-of-breed', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('bleeding-edge', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('bricks-and-clicks', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('clicks-and-mortar', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('collaborative', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('compelling', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('cross-platform', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('cross-media', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('customized', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('cutting-edge', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('distributed', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('dot-com', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('dynamic', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-business', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('efficient', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('end-to-end', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('enterprise', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('extensible', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('frictionless', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('front-end', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('global', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('granular', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('holistic', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('impactful', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('innovative', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('integrated', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('interactive', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('intuitive', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('killer', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('leading-edge', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('magnetic', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('mission-critical', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('next-generation', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('one-to-one', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('open-source', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('out-of-the-box', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('plug-and-play', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('proactive', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('real-time', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('revolutionary', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('robust', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('scalable', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('seamless', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('sexy', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('sticky', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('strategic', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('synergistic', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('transparent', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('turn-key', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('ubiquitous', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('user-centric', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('value-added', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('vertical', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('viral', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('virtual', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('visionary', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('web-enabled', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('wireless', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('world-class', 'adjective')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('action-items', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('applications', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('architectures', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('bandwidth', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('channels', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('communities', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('content', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('convergence', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('deliverables', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-business', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-commerce', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-markets', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-services', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('e-tailers', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('experiences', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('eyeballs', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('functionalities', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('infomediaries', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('infrastructures', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('initiatives', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('interfaces', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('markets', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('methodologies', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('metrics', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('mindshare', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('models', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('networks', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('niches', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('paradigms', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('partnerships', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('platforms', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('portals', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('relationships', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('ROI', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('synergies', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('web-readiness', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('schemas', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('solutions', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('supply-chains', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('systems', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('technologies', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('users', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('vortals', 'noun')INSERT INTO BullshitTerm VALUES('web services', 'noun')SET NOCOUNT OFFGOCreate Procedure MakeBullshitAS SELECT (SELECT TOP 1 Word FROM BullshitTerm WHERE Type='verb' ORDER BY NewID()) as Verb, (SELECT TOP 1 Word FROM BullshitTerm WHERE Type='Adjective' ORDER BY NewID()) as Adjective, (SELECT TOP 1 Word FROM BullshitTerm WHERE Type='Noun' ORDER BY NewID()) as NounGOExec MakeBullshitDamian |
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graz
Chief SQLTeam Crack Dealer
4149 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 17:50:14
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Truly. This site has the strangest collection of SQL Server people I've ever known. ===============================================Creating tomorrow's legacy systems today.One crisis at a time. |
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!
4970 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 17:53:04
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Where is the collection of normal SQL Server people ?Damian |
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rockmoose
SQL Natt Alfen
3279 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 18:28:31
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quote: Originally posted by graz Truly. This site has the strangest collection of SQL Server people I've ever known.
Define:strangeI think most of us are quite normalized.Merkin (I had trouble typing that......)You just crack me up That one goes straight to my model database as standard procedure.rockmoose |
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Michael Valentine Jones
Yak DBA Kernel (pronounced Colonel)
7020 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 20:01:28
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Finally, a really useful stored procedure!If you provided that as a web service, you could automate every CIO job in the world, and "redefine global relationships", "unleash scalable web services", and "seize synergistic markets".CODO ERGO SUM |
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!
4970 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 20:14:53
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quote: If you provided that as a web service
Don't tempt me Damian |
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!
4970 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 21:52:13
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http://www.madant.com.au/bullshit/bullshit.asmxDamian |
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Merkin
Funky Drop Bear Fearing SQL Dude!
4970 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-15 : 21:54:14
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http://www.madant.com.au/bullshit/BullshitClient.zipA .Net console app to call the web service.Damian |
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AjarnMark
SQL Slashing Gunting Master
3246 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 02:35:52
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There's this song from the group Styx that just keeps coming to mind...Too much time on my hands...---------------------------------------------------------------------------------Infoneering: Information Technology solutions engineered to professional standards. |
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spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master
11752 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 05:09:11
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quote: Originally posted by graz Truly. This site has the strangest collection of SQL Server people I've ever known. ===============================================Creating tomorrow's legacy systems today.One crisis at a time.
And i'd give my right hand that that's exactly why this site is so awsome. Relaxed, charismatic, proffesional, addictive, tears-in-the-eyes funny, etc. AND we're all fully normalized as moose said.that one is simply ingenious.Anyone who doesn't agree with me can come to visit and we'll have a beer drinking duel Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow |
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Kristen
Test
22859 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 09:15:55
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"we're all fully normalized"Well, you're not - you haven't got a right hand any more ... Kristen |
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spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master
11752 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 09:20:53
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damn it... Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow |
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Kristen
Test
22859 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 09:57:44
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I'm amazed you can still type! Hmmm ... no capital letters, perhaps you are typing one handed Kristen |
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spirit1
Cybernetic Yak Master
11752 Posts |
Posted - 2005-03-16 : 10:01:19
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i guess i should mention my "serializable cross-over hand-regeneration". Go with the flow & have fun! Else fight the flow |
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